the skin you like

i knew i would come back to this moment as it was happening

vivid memories now, some tangibly serene sensation then, the air feels different in a place where your soul is tethered and the weight of history is absent.

i’ve seen the hypocrisy of humans, the things you like, the skin you like, until it gets real, off screen, something about an average woman too comfortable in her own skin creates repulsion.

destroyer by panama played through the speakers, mist kissed windows, a stereotypical pacific northwest day passing underneath a canopy of leaves, trees among the clatsop forest,

i remember thinking how easy would it be to move here and change my personality,

we are just a product of our environment after all.

and why wouldn’t i mold myself to fit this, perfectly peaceful at ease, yes it is raining, but in moments the sun will break through and i will be outside the forest standing at the edge of the ocean under a perfectly open sky and the light is shining on me and i am not being scorched, i am embraced with warmth and light and you are not here.

xx | subscribe for more occasional, gentle thoughts